It rises in my blood like hot lava, slowly, slowly burning each vein. Cracking and cooling at the surface, burning with a cruel heat within. Recklessness, a need to lose myself in order to forget. A drowning of all feeling with hot touches, burning liquor, or food that sears the roof of my mouth and fills me heavy with dread. I want sensation or oblivion. Fear spurs me to move, anger courses through me and begs to be released in hot slashes of my nails on strangers backs. I want abandon. I want freedom from this sinking feeling. I want to soar and ultimately feel the sweet agony of crashing. I want angry words hurled at me like stones and bruise my tender flesh like overly ripened fruit. In this state I want hatred, lust and all the ugly truths, seedy back alley hookups and flirtations with criminals. I want to kiss death and bear my breasts knowing it turns them on just as much as it makes them want to hurt me. With this searing feeling of recklessness I want to turn my face to your raised hand, and here you tell me no. I want you to force my will back down, to take my fury and bend my knees. Hold me down, tie a biting rope to the tender parts of my flesh and tell me no. Tell me no, as I bite my way to freedom. Tell me no, as I kick and threaten. Tell me no as I turn, first red, then blue at the bite of your hand striking my flesh. Tell me no, and make me believe that your will is greater than mine. Tell me no, tell me no, tell me no...
Sometimes, just sometimes, I want you to tell me no...
Nena
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