Thoughts of K. consume me. Both lust and fear mingling. I have never had someone like her, fierce and highly sexual, smart and perfectly intune with who she is. A fairy spirit both dark and playful. The way her eyes gleam up at me through thick feathered lashes, the caramel honey of her skin, pachullie and vanilla mingling in a heady seductive scent, the way she poses her limbs both in repose and full of tension, each perfect foot arched to a delicate point, all of this fills me like I haven’t been filled since M.D and also slightly terrifies me. I know this kind of seduction, the way it effects me, how lost in her beauty I can become. I don’t know how to not make the same mistake as I did with MD.  In all of this is MC, I feel myself withdrawing, forcing the smiles and reassurances. I want to believe I am capable of loving them both. We are after all doing polyamory just for that reason. I don’t know how to navigate this. I don’t know how to be all in with my partner without neglecting the needs or wants of my other partner.  I’m afraid I will fall so madly for K it will obliterate anything else. 

Nena