Pre-Interview Anxiety

I know that I am putting this stress on myself, that I am applying more meaning to this step then I should but I cant help but stress. I want so badly to take a positive step into my future. I want this job not just for me but the the future that I so easily see for K. and I. I want a higher paying job so that I can build that home that we talk about. The home full of animals and love. I want to taste the sweet atmosphere of waking up knowing she and I share the same home. I want to go to her childhood home in October and be able to stand before her, proud, capable and ask her to join me into the future. I dont want to ask her if I cant provide the life that she needs to be happy.  I feel my entire future resting on tomorrow. I feel it looking at me, shiny and sparkling through the thick glass of a snow globe. I dont want this to be just a beautiful dream. I have lived through broken beautiful dreams turned nightmares. I have lived through just plain old nightmares. This, her, she is my ending, beginning, future. I know it, she knows it and I know that I cant have that if I cant stand with her as an equal. I am striving for a her, for me and for our future children. Tomorrow can either be that giant step into that beautiful vision or another rejection. I am so nervous that I cant focus on my preparation. I fear that no matter how many situational questions I write out my answers to that by the time I get in front of them I will have forgotten my answers due to sheer nerves. I want so badly to believe that I will get this, but  I fear so much more that I wont. This job, this is something that I can lean into. That I can build a future with, that will launch me into the professional world. I want this so much. I dont care what kind of work it is, I dont care if it is hard, or monotonous, or if I have difficult clients because in the end I will come home to her. I will come home to her laughter, her love, her giggles, her art, her cats.

Please please please let this go well!

Nena