What is love?

What is love? And how do you know you are in it? Reading back I want to deny that I was in love that it was all due to teenage hormones and the never-ending battle they raged on me at that time, but even now those letters still say "I love you". Even now her words still strike my heart and prick my eyes. "We will never be apart" I tell myself that she didn't love me because how could she love me if she cheated on me? How could she have loved me if she had left me for another person? It seemed so easy for her to say that I was her life and that she had "devoted every fiber, every part of my[her] soul to you". It makes the hurt and deception so much more painful to acknowledge when I read those lovely phrases that I want to call empty. But were they empty phrases when she sat to write me? Did I fill her with passion, a passion so fierce that it ignited her soul? I think back to when we first met and the electricity that crackled and burned between us, stinging us with our lust, desire and passion to be closer, nearer, ever so painfully slowly narrowing those empty spaces between us and I wonder if it was all one sided or if simply believing so is a way to lessen the hurt I felt over losing someone who held such importance in my life. I hate how sharp those memories are. How very poignant and real they are. How with just the slightest of suggestion they appear in full color behind my lids and fill me with such melancholy nostalgia. All of this makes me wonder about the now, about the future about "us". I am told upon waking that I am loved, beautiful, wanted, hungered for but when I turn to face the lips providing such intimate and daring words I feel quiet, reserved and calm. It is such a strange enigma that clouds my feelings towards this"us". In the moment I happy, calm, free but in my quiet moments, when I am alone, truly alone with my thoughts I am hesitant, scared, and timid to acknowledge that such a "love" exists in my heart. Is this part of the healing process or is this simply just "growing up"? Nena