The Other Side of Ten

Growing up is scary. I have spent so many years thinking about all the things I would do when I "grew up". Now as I am getting older I no longer look forward to these ""grown up" years. I keep telling myself that I am only 20, but 20 looked so different from the other side of 10. I remember in fourth grade they asked us where we saw ourselves in ten years, I wrote that i wanted to have a red mustang convertible, a boyfriend if not a husband and have a kid. Twenty years old was an adult. I am now twenty and although I still may want a red mustang convertible that house, husband( well this at least I can say with confidence is never going to happen), kind of life is so far off I cant even see it.

I find myself at this weird in-between stage of life. People tell me oh your a kid, be a kid, go dance, drink have fun. But then I turn right around and I am told to be responsible, I am not a kid anymore. This strange dichotomy is killing me.

In exactly five short months I have to support myself. I have to pay rent, buy groceries, go to work and keep my grades up. I don't feel ready for half of this.

I am so stressed out about the near future that I cant think about anything else.

I don't have a job. How the hell am I going to pay rent. I feel like winning the lottery is easier then finding a job right now.

I am worried that I am going to have to give up my cat. Nobody told me that having a pet was like loving a child. I cant just give her up.

I feel like I am drowning in growing up.

Who knew 20 sucked?

Nena