Missing

M.D and I are finally settled in our new apartment. Its been a journy most definatly getting here and even more of one being here. I am stilling for the visa application to be accepted so it driving me crazy not being able to do things that I have to do. I cant get a bank account, a job, or a phone. I feel like a bum sitting at home all day. I dont want M.D to see me as a slacker or anything but its not like I have any controll over my current situation. We have some new roommates M. and N. I really like M. she is super perky and really happy all of the time. She reminds me of Patch.

Speaking of which I miss Nesa and Patch terribly! I spent so much time with them this last summer that I feel like I am drowning not being close to my friends. It sucks a lot not knowing anyone here. I am glad though that Patch isnt compeletly alone. I was worried about her. I have to admit I get incredibly jeleaous when I see on FB that Patch and Nesa are hanging out.

I dont think M.D really understands how I feel about having to leave Patch behind. She is more then ,y best friend. She means everything to me. I love her so much. Patch has been by my side for the last four years. We got so close so fast that it was like we never not knew each other. I never really realized that I havent spent time away from Patch like this before. At college we were together, we were together at SPA and now that we are not together I feel like I left my sister behind. I feel like I did when I left R.M for the first time.

I feel torn. I want to stay here and live with M.D. She makes me happy and we belong together. But at the same time I want to go home to SD, to Patch, to Nesa, to my Dad, they are the rest of my family and I have to leave them to be with the one I love.

I miss my family. And I know with all my heart that my family misses me.

I guess you can never have everything you want...

Nena