Discoveries and Loneliness

I have made a small discovery about myself, my sexuality should I say
one) I am attracted to intellect
two) I have only ever been attracted to feminine men or butch women
and
three)I have never really liked someone my age LOL (and let me tell you it sucks)
so what does this little I know about myself tell me???

Is it wrong to only ever been attracted to men or women that were and still are much to old for me?? I think it might be but I cant help it, my peers seem to be so ignorant and so young that I have trouble relating to them so I have trouble liking them on a more personal level. I have only ever surrounded myself by the older generation ever since I can remember when I was in elementary school I hung out with high schoolers and now that I am in high school I now surround myself with 20 to 40 year olds,

I just cant seem to have an intelligent conversation with my peers and my one best friend always seems to be in her own little world (yes I know I sound slightly wishy-washy after the whole shoe and the pie (LOL) entry) like she seems to have to many problems of her own I am lacking a mentor that I can talk to constantly (A. Is my mentor now but she is so far away it is hard)

I hate telling people how I feel because frankly most don't seem to really care, like my mom is really indifferent when I talk to her and that is why I don't talk to her and my dad well I don't know I love him with my very life but he is so far away as well I need someone here, someone that I wake up and see and that is the hindrance of being in a residential I have kvb but our relationship is not exactly on that level she is my friend yes but she is staff as well and I have a hard time creating that personal relationship, for example when she left I was devastated I felt as though I couldn't breathe without her here as my anchor but when I finally got the balls ~cringes~ to call her she seemed to be rather indifferent about it all but maybe I just expect to much from people I know the world does not revolve around me so why do I insist on making it so? I tell myself that I do to much for people I care to much but then I kick myself in the side for thinking so selfishly...~sighs~

I love listening to people I love talking to them and learning about them and helping them but for once I want a person that I can talk to that is as passionate as me about helping those around them, I need someone that I can dump all my problems onto without feeling like A) they don't really car or B) they cant handle it.

my father has been that person for so long but I want an outsiders point of view I want someone that is not in my immediate family this want this thing that is rapidly becoming a necessity is why latched on to A. So fast, but I don't want to bombard her with my problems she is so stressed out as it is she shouldn't have to deal with me as well so for tonight I am going to go cry alone once more.....I hate being alone.
forever
nena