Clarifying any Confusion

I would just like to point out that no I am not crushing over A. Several of my readers have asked me if I am and I must clarify the difference between admiration and crushing. I have only ever admired four people in my life time a friend, a teacher, some guy I never met, and a mentor.

I have crushed over several different people in my life so I do know to some extent the difference. All of these people that I have admired have had one thing in common they are all amazing in different ways and I have felt this connection to them that I can not explain.

I admired my teacher for his intellect and I felt this connection I could not find the difference whether it be love or admiration and I now understand the difference, I did love that teacher but in a much different way he inspired me to be a better person, he showed me there is a different point of view on things I would stay after school just to listen to him to find out all that he knew and then I was crushed I was addicted to learning and like any addicted I was supposed to be cured he crushed me hurt me in a way I can not even explain I could not look at him for a long while after that but now even though I still see him I can talk to him but I will never feel that connection with him although I cant help but talk to him about my life (which at times is really frustrating),

The guy I had never met that was probably the strangest thing that had ever happened to me I fell in love with him right away he was just so kind very different from any other male I had ever talked to and once again I fed off of him and tried to leard all I could but something happened in his life and he stopped responding he stopped living and I will forever regret not being able to help him

As for my friend she is a reader of mine, when I first met her I could not help but fall in love with her she was just so kind so motherly a concept my brain does not register easily. At that time in my life she was a person I desperately needed and I still do but not in such a desperate way.

Now for my mentor (A.) when I met her I was instantly attached and I started to learn about her and listen to her she was and still is just so amazing to me, I fell in love with how she was so smart and new so much about herself but she still held that childish quality about her it was not like my teacher where I felt as though I was simply addicted to learning from him it but I could not relate, with A. I can relate to her, she is not so high up on the scale of life that she is nothing more then an elusive idol set in gold. She is real, and that is why I admire her.

Last but not least I would like to point out one last thing all of these amazing people have in common at the time of when I met them they were a part of me that I had not yet obtained as well as a source of knowledge, knowledge my heart, body and soul desperately needed to know.

This is as far as I got to clarifying the confusion so once more no I am not crushing on A. I admire her as a mentor and idol (real tangible one)
forever

nena