Craving kisses and awkwardness with vibrators

You know right now I crave the physical touch of a person, one thing I loved most about being in a relationship was the kissing. Oh good lord the kissing!!!! Never was it bad!!! I loved most when the person I was with would begin to kiss me and then ever so slowly move down to my neck OH god how I loved it when they would slightly nibble down to my clavicle bones, I would be so lost in feeling by that point. If you can not tell I am in a rather sexual mood ~throws head back and laughs~ sorry A. And K.V.B I bet it is slightly disturbing to read this LOL.

I think what got me in this mood is my dream I had, it was so very sexual it seemed almost real!!! Scary if you ask me. A long ago lover sinking his face into my neck, roaming lips and hands bodies enthralled into a world of wanting LOL gosh what a dream!!

now this is awkward ...
I saw a vibrator for the first time today in my life LOL I would have turned bright red if not surrounded by my peers. I being the "virgin" of the house was forced to the bathroom and told to "try it out" , now I have no clue where this thing goes,inside of me???? I tried that and I said fuck that because I was not about to force that thing inside of me.... It hurt!!!!! I have only masturbated once and I think I may be broken LOL all it made me do was have to pee!!!!

I am scared that once I actually do have sex that I will only feel pain and then have to get up to go pee!!!!! LOL it really is not that funny......

I don't get it I can be so comfortable doing things I know how to do ,for example: turning someone on, kiss really good and that is about it but to "follow through" with the act of sex well hell that is nerve racking because well A) I am not comfortable having my not to attractive body exposed and B)what the hell am I supposed to do??????
that's the extent of my knowledge and thus it has earned me the title of a tease, I am a tease pretty much.... Considering right now at this point in my life I will not have sex !!!! Shoot I don't think any one wants to have sex with me anyway and I don't think they ever will!!!!

one last thing... I think way too f-ing much , I could be in the middle of making out with someone and be thinking "does this really feel good???, or I wonder how this may look to people walking by???" grrr it is frustrating what if out of some miracle someone does want to have sex with me will I be thinking "oh god what am I supposed to do? Or I wonder how this may look? Or even worse does my breath smell bad? Am I unattractive to this person now that they have seen me exposed???""

well this rambling of my sexual frustrations has completely gotten me out of my mood!!!!
grrrrr
forever
nena