A Beautiful Fleeting Thought

Good freaking lord,I feel as though I live with a bunch of three year olds!!! What next?? do I have to wipe their asses for them?????They all feel so big and bad because they can make someone cry!!! If only they knew how life is going to be for them outside this place, I don't wish them unsucsessful lives, I simply wish for then to wake up soon and see the damage they are causing to the world around them!! Just because people have hurt them they think they need to protect themselves from getting hurt but hurting those closest to them. I hate it here but I was ment to learn a lesson so I need to stay.
Enough venting about the idiots that live with me now time for the idiots that don't


My partents (round of appluase arn't they just heaven????) are impudent fools.
I asked my beloved father if he would give up his parental rights if I asked him to and he said he would fight it. I don't get it, one would think that going in and out of jail would shake ones pride enough to let one see past their own eyes and realize that one is never going to get ones children back. Eleven years and he is still lacking to recognize that!!! Can you say there has got to be something screwy in the head with the man????? He is trying to get my brother leagally and I say "ha-ha-ha" to that becuase lets see how long that will last untill my brother runs away from the insanity that will surely be created by my dear unstable mother.
I know that A. might not have been completely serouise about her offer to adopt me but boY was that a nice fleeting thought, getting away from California, from everyone and most improtantly this damnded life and be happy for once.
I saw it all for a beautiful split second
Waking up to a lighted house seeing A. curled up in big comfy pjs with a cup of tea reading, and S. clammoring around the house cleaning up getting ready to go somewhere. Her kitties puring soflty to themseles as i lazaly run my hand down their soft fur smiling to myself thinking "so this is what a happy life is like, boy do i have a lot of catching up to do"
but then came the ever impeding thought that "ha!!! be real" like I could really expect my "parents" to be selfless and give me the one thing that I have always wanted a "happy" life, not waking up and wondering... are you going to make it today??? Can you push through another long day of social workers, fake caring staff, and bull shit teachers????
And then came another thought, how could I ask A. to give up her life for me?? Even though I only have three years left in the system, I know that taking on that kind of responsibility is a huge step. I don't think I could ask her to be so selfless for someone she just recently met.
although rather small in comparision to being adopted by your role model
A. did propse the idea of going out there sometime, gosh would that be nice even for just a week !!!!!

till next time
nena