The silence fills me with its deafening roar. There is no such thing as true quiet, quiet mind, quiet thought there is no elimination of sound. I am standing in a motionless circle, life pressing down on me from all angles and yet here I stand untouched.
I am fighting for a future right now. The terrifying uncertainty makes me want lay down and let it pass me by but I know that by doing so I will regret. I need to find discipline and perseverance. the high of Sacramento is wearing thin. Everything I wanted is slowly thinning like a soap bubble on the verge of popping. The only constant is Ryn.
We are official as of last night. She is mine and I am hers. My world is right again.
There is a lot to worry about but for some reason none of it seems insurmountable.
I am currently scared because of the silence. I feel I might have said something that offended her but realistically I know that she is probably just doing her laundry. Funny how these thoughts and patterns creep up on me again after so long. This small insecurity.
I feel myself drawn towards her. I seek her approval and crave her affection. This is the position of weakness I have run from for so long. I know, already she has the power to hurt me but I also know that power goes both ways.
So here it is, this next great saga. I don't know how this will end, if it ends, but I do know that I want to experience and live every last moment of it.
Nena
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