I sort of feel distant from everyone right now and I really don't know why. Its like even though I am sitting in a room full of people I am really alone. I can't seem to get out of my head. I rarely talk to anyone anymore. i mean there are my normal conversations but they seem to become distant. When I talk to A. or P. I feel as though... I don't know...like I am in another room or something. The only person I really feel connected to lately is M.D. I miss feeling those other connections but I guess ever since K.V.B.D left I haven't really allowed that kind of connection again, at least not with staff. Its not that I am worried that they are going to leave or anything like that it just there seems to be a sever lacking in trusting people recently. Maybe its for the best considering its my last year here.
Nena
Later...
I feel a little better now. I have been out and about today and I went to go by __________ but we never made it to the store so I spent about fifty on my little sister and bought her a new outfit shoes and all. She was really happy and she is going to come over later so I can straighten her hair. I miss her.
Right now I am painting glass coke bottle for patches and I am going to do one for someone else too.
I am glad that I feel a little better then I did this morning. I guess it didn't help that I woke from a bad dream.
Something about people in bear suits turning into holes in the ground that moved round and round consuming everything and then one bearman turned into a hole and the spirit man could not get the evil spirit out of the spinning hole then the dream sort of changed and the hole was another form of the evil queen who tried to kill me by drowning me but I tricked her by playing dead and I heard her say that she was going to kill A. and S.P so I move under the water trying to get to the hotel that they are staying in while in the meantime water is rising over the city forming a dome and no one seems to notice. The water I am in begins to rise so I rise with it and somehow I get into the hotel like that. When I get to A. and S.P's room S.P. is lying over the arm of the sofa laughing to herself and you can clearly see that she is drunk and A. is in some room talking to a woman who disappears. I go and get A. and tell her that she is coming to kill her and A. does not believe then I show her the water that is closing over us and she freaks out. We run around the hotel room looking for a way out and come to this wall that is moving like gears move and we keep trying to get out that way but we can't fit in between the gears so S.P. yells at us to come this way. S.P eventually disappears and it is just A. and I running down the hall when I spot her. i SAY TO a. "Look over there in the pink skirt, its her". A. and I try to escape without her noticing. We eventually get out of the hotel and A. says for us to run across the street toward these crowded stores and on the side of the stores in a little tree and A. says to hide here and that this is where S.P and her shared there first kiss. We hide by hugging the wall when I see her come out of the hotel. I know that she sees me so I start walking (I don't know what happens to A.) down the sidewalk and she is right behind me. I remember thinking damn I'm walking slow. There is this man working on a building and I sit on his knee thinking that she would not see me and the man just kind of stares at me. She comes and stops where the man is so I make it look like I am a stripper come to do my job. I begin grinding up against this nasty man and he smiles, I want to throw up inside. People start gather around and she says to me That shirt looks familiar and I realize that she doesn't recognize me. So I say oh its System of A Down and I can see something click so I say to the crowd I'll take off me shirt and give it to someone if they give me their shirt. So I start slowly taking off my shirt and this guy who is an underdeveloped teenager takes off his shirt right quick. The crowd starts gathering around me and she is blocked by the wall of people so I start dancing and that crowd dances with me. I can seem to pull my bra down and when I take off my shirt I have to cover my breasts and the underdeveloped teenager comes and rubs his back against my chest. The crowd starts handing me their shirts and so I put one on and run/walk toward the stares across that street when I hear her yell "hey wait let me see your eyes your the only one who ever had my eyes" I know now that she knows I am not dead and I bolt. Running as fast as I can through a thrift store. I run out the back and I keep going. I can hear the clippity clap of her high heels as she runs after me and I know that she is going to get me because she has really long legs and that is when I wake up. It was six thirty on the nose and my heart was in my chest pounding as though I was really running.
Yup and that was not a good way to wake up.
Nena
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