Where have they gone?

Has it only been a year since the important people in my life began to drop like flies?

It feels as though it has been several years. Lisa is a distant memory of laughter shared and tears shed. K.V.B seems distant like a comforting dream that is fuzzy around the edges and here I am missing them both but not that raw pain that I felt.

I almost want to say that it is terrible of me not to miss them the way they deserve to be missed but part of me just accepts their absences.

When I saw K.V.B at B.B.B's funeral I felt so weird like instead of seeing someone who is like my mother it was like seeing an old elementary school friend, awkward and distant. I hope we did not loose that close connection that we had. I really hope that we are still close.

I mean I could sit here all night and hope but I do not make any effort on my part to keep in close contact with her. I am just so bad at things like that.

I really need to start.

Nena